Those of you who know the Darwin Awards, you know what this is. Those who do not know, basically it's a list of ten real life events from the previous year in which someone died or was injured in a stupid way, or someone tried to pull off a crime and failed for stupid reasons.
Here's the 2005 list:
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when
the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least
evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious
winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at
his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This
time it worked..... And now, the honorable
mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger
in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little
shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company expecting negligence sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried
the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a
moving train before he *beep*.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and
gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems a Batavia, Ohio guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady
I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Here's the 2005 list:
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when
the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least
evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious
winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at
his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This
time it worked..... And now, the honorable
mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger
in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little
shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company expecting negligence sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried
the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a
moving train before he *beep*.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and
gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems a Batavia, Ohio guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady
I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd ever had.
