These are real ads. you can take ideas from them:
Fed up with watersports? Constrained by traditional dominant- submissive roles? Try a more nurturing role: feed me like a baby pelican! Both sexes welcome. I supply the raw herring, you bring the big strap-on beak. No weirdos.
Jane no good, Cheetah stinks. Tarzan seeks swinging GM to be the lord of his jungle.
SWM, old, fat, balding, many disgusting habits seeks SWF with money. Send pictures of your house, car, RV. This could be your lucky day.
SWM who likes to slowly fold canned fruit into jello, seeks female partner for distinctly American activities. Dirty pigeons need not respond.
Submissive male seeks dominant female with extensive knowledge of knots.
Superboy seeks Clarke Kent. Come fly with me.
Hideous-looking, obese, smelly, ill-tempered, lazy, cowardly, chronic, and a complete liar seeks total opposite.
SWM into chainsaws and hockey masks seek likeminded SWF. No weirdos, please.
SWM seeks 300lb+ woman to sit and squash doughnuts on me.
Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser wallowing in an unending sea of inert, drooping loneliness looking for 24 year old needy leech-like hanger-on to abuse with dull stories, tired sex and Herb Alpert albums. Baby, you are my Tijuana Taxi.
Me -- trying to sleep on the bus station bench, pleading with you to give me a cigarette; you-choking on my odor, tripping over your purse trying to get away; at the last moment, our eyes meeting. Yours were blue. Can I have a dollar?
Three toed mango peeler searching for wicked lesbian infielder. Like screaming and marking territory with urine? Let's make banana enchiladas together in my bathtub. You bring the salsa.
I like eating mayonnaise and peanut butter sandwiches in the rain, watching Barney Miller reruns, peeing on birds in the park and licking strangers on the subway; you eat beets raw, have climbed Kilimanjaro, and sweat freely and often. Must wear size five shoes.
There is a little place in the jumbled sock drawer of my heart where you match up all the pairs, throw out the ones with holes in them, and buy me some of those neat dressy ones with the weird black and red geometrical designs on them.
Angry, simple-minded, balding, partially blind ex-circus flipper boy with a passion for covering lovers in sour cream and gravy seeks exotic, heavily tattooed piercing fanatic, preferably hairy and stinky, either sex, for whippings, bizarre sex and fashion consulting. No freaks.
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