I have an advice question for all of you, since I have no idea. I'm nearly 21 now, and my parents have just decided to file for divorce. They decided to finalize this decision nearly a month ago and have kept me in the dark about it until I got home last night. There I got a crash course of the developments between them over the last two years in a period of around an hour and a half, and by the end of it I didn't know what to say, ask, or think of the situation. I have a completely new, opposite outlook of my father from what I had not 24 hours ago. I was wondering if any of you could spare any thoughts as to what I can do to get through it.
Divorce
- Thread starter Zampy
- Start date
Divorce is a very difficult thing all the way around. One of the biggest concerns for any couple is the CHild or children involved. Many parents choose to wait until the child is 21 before divorcing, thinking it will be the best thing mentally. However, looking back, many children can see where the parents have been not happy.
The most important thing for you to understand is that they both love you very much, even if it is in a strange way. Even though they don't get along, doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. It sounds like ur Dad may have done something (s) that were not too good. Everyone makes mistakes. In the end, you are an adult now, they are trying to treat you as one, and you have to do what feels right for you. Maybe taking a small break from your Dad, or both parents, might help you sort things out.
No matter what, divorce sucks and your Mom or both will need some support from you. Hang tight! Talk to your friends, don't do the guy thing and bottle it all up. It will get better and things tend to happen for reason,, sometimes it just takes a bit to figure it out. Good Luck!
~~Hugs~~
Sloth's Wife
Kylara
The most important thing for you to understand is that they both love you very much, even if it is in a strange way. Even though they don't get along, doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. It sounds like ur Dad may have done something (s) that were not too good. Everyone makes mistakes. In the end, you are an adult now, they are trying to treat you as one, and you have to do what feels right for you. Maybe taking a small break from your Dad, or both parents, might help you sort things out.
No matter what, divorce sucks and your Mom or both will need some support from you. Hang tight! Talk to your friends, don't do the guy thing and bottle it all up. It will get better and things tend to happen for reason,, sometimes it just takes a bit to figure it out. Good Luck!
~~Hugs~~
Sloth's Wife
Kylara
Hakan
.
They are still your mother and your father. If they cant get along anymore show respect to their decission just like your life is your own their life is theirs to decide. Unhappy parents dont provide a healty house for their children, marriage is important and worths fighting for but when its over, its over.
SynTaXx-Wrath
If you're happy, I'm. . .
Know that they will be happier apart than they will together, and in most divorces even though they both know its over there might be a grieving time for the lost relationship. Why not worry about being there for them?
Tiveria
Sheeptastic!
My brother got divorced several years ago (wow I can't believe it's been several). Also my parents were married before (actually they switched spouses *shudder*).
In my brother's case, he had married the HS hottie he had been dating before he went to the first Iraq war. They spent about four or five years apart, and when he came back they got married. She wanted a girl and would keep having kids until had one. They had twins, a younger boy, and a girl.
My brother has always been a bit of a party-er. Went drinking a lot. Didn't take care of his kids like he should have. His wife had thought my brother was like her father. He's not. He's rough and rowdy.
The divorce was the best thing for them. My brother is now a wonderful father who loves his kids very very much. He's re-married to a woman who has the fire to match his, and they're very happy.
My parents...well...let's just say it's for the best that they got divorced from their ex-spouses. I won't go into too much detail, but with five brothers and sisters, it was messed up in a lot of ways. My childhood was mostly getting teased in school, and dealing with never knowing who was going to be at home (or when they would run away), and hating myself for being the only safe one.
Quite a few people get married young, not really realizing what marriage entails. Especially in our country, where every young girl is taught that marriage is THE reason for everything, and boys are taught that one day they'll be reined in. People often leap before they're ready. Sometimes after years of choosing the wrong person, it finally breaks.
Just remember Zampy that nothing they do in this is really about you, other than trying to protect you from it all. You may hear the yelling, and they may try to pit you against one or the other, but it's still not about you. They're trying to extricate themselves out of a situation that neither one wants to be in. Especially after 20+ years...that's difficult to do.
If you ever wanna talk, don't hesitate.
Mecinia Lu-a
New member
Well not knowing more of the situation its hard to give good solid advice.
Most folks that get divorced however are not happier after the divorce than they were before it, generally most are even more unhappy. (Statistically speaking).
The best thing you can do though is to give what support you can to each of them and try to maintain as normal a relationship with both of them as can be managed.
Most folks that get divorced however are not happier after the divorce than they were before it, generally most are even more unhappy. (Statistically speaking).
The best thing you can do though is to give what support you can to each of them and try to maintain as normal a relationship with both of them as can be managed.
Cahnuuk
Active member
Hey, wow, my parents seperated when I was 21 (and got divorced) after my dad did something monumentally stupid. Completely shattered my image of him. I'm not sure what your dad did, but it's important to come to terms with what he's done. Accept him as a human capable of making mistakes and try to move on from there.
Madrigal
New member
Wow. This is almost exactly what happened to me.
If you need a break, take a break, but make sure both your parents know how much you still love them. The divorce is probably harder on them than it is on you.
It's okay to listen to them talk things out, BUT DO NOT REFEREE and DO NOT TAKE SIDES. Let them talk to you in confidence and dont go telling the other what was said. Stay out of that. What is most important is that each of them find happiness, and one or both may get clingy with you until that happens. Deal with it. It will eventually pass. Keep your relationships with them separate from each other.
Having gone through this myself, I'm sorry to see it happen to you. Just know that things will eventually sort themselves out.
zanaiomih
The magic never ends...
I can imagine that it's very hard when your parents divorce. I couldn''t imagine my own parents doing it. So first off, Im sorry :hug:
But, if they are more happy as individuals then as a couple, support them in that. You might get more quality with both of them that way.
Don't take sides, what ever problems they have it's between them, and make sure you let them know you still love them. If they try to come to you for advice/opinions/taking stands etc, I'd ask them to go else where. Not because you dont love them, but because it's hard to give advice being in the middle of it as you are, and one should never have to chose between parents.
I'm sure it'll work out for the best in the end, even if it's hard right now.
But, if they are more happy as individuals then as a couple, support them in that. You might get more quality with both of them that way.
Don't take sides, what ever problems they have it's between them, and make sure you let them know you still love them. If they try to come to you for advice/opinions/taking stands etc, I'd ask them to go else where. Not because you dont love them, but because it's hard to give advice being in the middle of it as you are, and one should never have to chose between parents.
I'm sure it'll work out for the best in the end, even if it's hard right now.
zanaiomih
The magic never ends...
I agree, one should never stay together because of ones children. If the parents aren't happy together, the family wont be happy together. It's better to live seperate and happy, then together and unhappy.
Snork
New member
I think divorce is hard for the "child" nomatter what age U are.... My parents divorced when I was 12
I have heard from my brother inlaw that it can be hard to come to terms with your parents divorcing when you are 21 or about that age
Love your parents for what they are.... your parents
Try to talk to both about what happent... just so you know how and why!
They still love you for sure
Just remember 1 thing..... let out your feelings about what happend... don´t hide!
And if I am not wrong you are open to talk.... or you wouldn´t have writen in here
Best wishes for your future
Snugglez
Snorks
I have heard from my brother inlaw that it can be hard to come to terms with your parents divorcing when you are 21 or about that age
Love your parents for what they are.... your parents
Try to talk to both about what happent... just so you know how and why!
They still love you for sure
Just remember 1 thing..... let out your feelings about what happend... don´t hide!
And if I am not wrong you are open to talk.... or you wouldn´t have writen in here
Best wishes for your future
Snugglez
Snorks