* she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she was beaten with the ugly log!
* kids dress up as her for Halloween!
* she makes blind children cry!
* you could stick her face in dough and it would make monster cookies!
* I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."!
* if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it!
* people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen!
* people hang her picture in their basements to scare the rats away!
* she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning!
* her shadow ran away from her!
* I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application!
* I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a pay check!
* people at the circus pay money not to see her!
* she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork!
* that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
* that she went to an ugly contest and they said "sorry no professionals"!
* just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."!
* her face is closed on weekends!
* her dentist treats her by mail-order!
* she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back!
* the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
* when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks!
* when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her!
* that if ugly were an Olympic event, she would be the dream team!
* when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes!
* they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty!
* she's never seen herself 'cause the mirrors keep breaking!
* she looks like she's been in a dryer filled with rocks!
* she looks like she got hit with a bag of "What the fuck?!?!"!
* she hurts my feelings!
* she gets 7 years bad luck when ever trying to look at herself in the mirror!
* Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
* even the elephant man paid to see her.!
* even the tide won't come back in!
* that if ugly were a crime, she'd get the electric chair!
* your dad takes her to work just so he doesn't have to kiss her good-bye!
* when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows!
* they rub tree branches on her face to make ugly sticks!
* she has to trick or treat over the phone!
* she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares!
* my dog took one look at her and ran away!
* her pillow cries at night!
* she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."!
* that when she was a baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot!
* you're dad first met her at the pound!
* when she was born, the doctor slapped her and her parents!
* she tied a pork chop around her neck and the dog still wouldn't play with her!
* if she were a scarecrow, the corn would run away!
* it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym!
* they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints!
* when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains!
* when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras!
* she has to creep up on water to get a drink!
* her mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her!
* they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars!
* they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
* she practices birth control by leaving the lights on!
* we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation!
* the psychiatrist makes her lie face down!
* Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant!
* her face is like a peice of modern art you can't tell what it is!
* Medusa is jealous!
* her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel!
* she could scare the moss off a rock!!
* she has to creep up on her makeup!
* it looks like she's been bobbing for french fries!
* when she was born the doctor smacked everyone!
* when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming!
* it looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!